what now then ?
Okay, so I left off having just finished my foundation art course. That took its own toll on me, but I ended up finding my niche and decided to roll with it. I applied and got an unconditional offer to Ulster for PHOTOGRAPHY—wow, that was a plot twist, OMG.
I had the best summer. I was in an unbelievably loving and soul-cleansing relationship. It made my summer so good. And what made it even better? At the end of it all, we found out we’d be moving into the same building—OMG, best news ever. (We’re not together anymore.)
me and my brother at Taylor swift
So, at the end of that beautiful summer, we moved in. We spent all our time together and basically lived in my room. She knew I liked my own comfort, but that made it all the harder when it went from our room to my room. That, combined with already being in a poor mental state, was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I loved my room I was devastated when it didn’t feel like home anymore.
I Irish-goodbyed my flat. Sorry, flat 404.
As of now, I’m trying to decide what’s going to happen with my uni course since I basically dropped out. I have a couple of options—try to get an extension, or take a leave of absence and come back in the summer semester next year. But God knows which one of those is right for me. I hope I figure it out, because even if I decide to go down the teaching route (like everyone says I should), it’s so much easier when it’s a PGCE—not me trying to get the whole qualification from scratch.
I’m also trying to figure out if working is right for me. See, I’m currently in intensive mental health treatment (Im doing all good), and I like the structure of a good day at work. But will I be too stressed? I care so, so deeply for the kids in the school. The idea that not all kids are made for school makes me incredibly compassionate. I see myself in some of them. They all deserve a real shot—a good standing in life. Kids need to be built up. I would love to work on the education system and try to fix it.
What I know now is that almost everyone in the world is smart and capable of holding so much knowledge—but the system and society aren’t built for everyone. I know I could do anything I set my mind to, but the way we’re made to apply knowledge through standardized testing doesn’t show the actual capability I have. I want others to have the chance too, but that’s a long road, and I’m still far from being in a place to change it.
aw little me
I just wish I could tell my younger self:
It’s okay. She wasn’t made for that system